The Irony Of Change

Change is not a new concept but an age old phenomenon; it took me 20+ yrs. of my life to understand. I was born to a family of super achievers: dad an army officer who struggled his entire youth to bring himself up to a respectable position on his own, joining The Indian Army as a solder and working his way up to finish BA-LLB n then become an officer, Mum a state gold medallist, an academician, a teacher who was extremely good in Sanskrit, History and Pol. Science. Later on a brother who is a genius (academically) and like my parents knows where he wants to be when he grows up.

 I was nothing like them I was confused, careless, shy, I had no questions in my head, liked observing people and was very unsure of myself. Growing up I had this question in and out of my head why am I so different than my family (though the ans is still a mystery) and why am I so unsure of myself? after a very long search I came to the conclusion that I am unsure of myself because of the fear, fear of new things new people unknown situations that forces me to look beyond the problem or the situation, I try out every new thing and most of them back fires but I just can't stop myself from trying that's my nature. I was one of those kids who had confusion in everything and it was difficult to judge people situations and circumstances. 

Every damn thing was a mystery and has thousands of interpretations. The challenge to this date is not the problem but the repercussion after taking a side or a decision and the questions that follows. I always used to think my life is too complicated because I cannot understand these changes as my mind keeps wondering to the new things topics places people situations and also the fact that what I think is the solution always ended up being a completely unknown path for everybody. These irrational solutions of mine gave me a reputation of being careless and irrational. 

Due to my father's transferable job every two yrs. my father would get a transfer and my whole family would move along with him and I would see new place meet new people and see a new side of life, with 13 different places and so may friends n acquaintances life has been a constant at only one thing n that is change itself. I used to wonder why is it happening with me for 20 yrs. then slowly n gradually I realised its nature and the only evident thing in this universe. We all change but hate to see others change and pass judgements on them. I say let's embrace change and why not? after all change is nature and nature evolves.

Time changes everything and we don't need a misery or a disaster to understand that. I don't claim that I understand the time or life but it certainly is a relief to accept change because I belive I have to change a lot of things in my life n its not constant. 

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the intelligent. but the one most receptive to change." Charles Darwin 

तुम हो तोह

तुम हो तोह

I thank god for giving me my family and good friends, it makes me feel very fortunate.

You must be thinking what's the big deal ....................everybody has friends

Yes I agree we all have friends but do we treasure the precious friendship and realise the truth that 

any shitty place becomes a super fun place with friends ............................................ 

13th Feb I moved from India and reached UK on 14th of feb. New country new people new culture new everything. Its not that I have never shifted on the contrary  due to my background I moved every 2 yrs, made new friends, discovered new places and culture but this time its is a li'll difficult than b4. This time I have come a bit far from my friends and family and lot has changed  in me. 

I see people but but I look through them, I talk to them but can't feel any of those things. Its not that I have very few friends or I am an introvert or shy, I have made lots of friends in past 20 years from my school n collage life and otherwise but this time I don't know why I just can't come over the lonely feeling as if I can't find someone to be a good friend, as if no one will understand me the way my friends did . There are incidents when just looking at my face my friends could tell how bad/good my day was, one hug and all my ruffled nerves becomes quite and u are ready to face the world again.

*...........................*

24 yrs of my life since my birth I have been fortunate enough to have many friends but neva have thought that a day will come when I will be so miserable without them.

Its been 4 and a half months since I left India n my friends though I have made new friends but there are innumerable occasions when I find myself all alone in a crowd  wishing all my friends  were with me sharing the moments, I go to a disk or pub all of a sudden there comes a song which is an absolute me n u (friend) song and you can't help but to miss them instantly . That's when  I realise how lucky I was to have them watching my back or to just gooff around unnecessarily. There was time I hated my friends for teasing me or pulling my leg but now I long for them to do that .........................strange isn't it !!!!!!!!!

It has now dawned on to me that I might try n be strong but I need my family and friends all the time and also the fact that mostly the friends one made during the senior yrs of  school and collage are the ones who stick to your head n heart (off course with a few exception) .

I made couple of friends here in new place after 4 months but nothing makes me stop missing my old friends I guess no one can take their place in my heart.

I had heard some one say that

" Its not that U are special that's the reason U have friends but U have friends that's the reason U are so special  " 

THANK YOU  FOR MAKING ME SPECIAL